


To Being Better People

by Oxsix



Series: One-shots [2]
Category: Six - Marlow/Moss
Genre: Bonding, Growth, Mother-Daughter Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2021-01-03 04:08:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21173171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oxsix/pseuds/Oxsix
Summary: Cathy ponders about past mistakes and redemption





	To Being Better People

Something's been up with Cathy lately. Catalina knows that. Cathy thinks she's being subtle, but the signs are tell-tale. Cathy might not be an open book, but her God-mother doesn't need her to be in order to understand. She knows how to pick up on the signals.

The thing about Cathy is that the signs are all different for her. While staying up into unholy hours of the morning, getting little sleep and being fairly unsociable would be worrying for most people, it's entirely normal for Cathy. The others know it's best to leave her to her own schedule, provided she isn't severely overworking herself. On these occasions, the other Queens know to intervene before the inevitable breakdown.

But when Cathy is getting full nights of sleep, waking up early, and getting little work done; _that's_ when they know something is up.

It's normal for Cathy's mood to be a little sour when she's tired, but she tends more towards a quiet grumpiness than to actual outbursts. But over the past two days, she's already blown up at Anne, Kitty and Jane on separate occasions.

The issue with Anne had been understandable; while she's usually fairly sensitive towards the other women's boundaries, and which topics are off-limit, she can overstep the mark at times. And Cathy hadn't been in the mood when Anne had playfully prodded at her bookish tendencies. Needless to say, she had been somewhat take aback by Cathy's sudden explosion.

It had been even more surprising when she'd lost her temper with Kitty; Cathy is usually very aware of the younger woman's vulnerability, and always does her best to soften any issues she had with her. She treads carefully around the young queen. To blow up at her so suddenly, and without warning is certainly out of character.

And Jane had barely spoken three words to Parr before she'd come to the end of her tether. Something is definitely wrong, and Aragon will have to get to the bottom of it before it gets any worse. 

Even more worryingly, Cathy hasn't been working on anything recently. For many, taking time away from work would be a good sign. But work is Cathy's way of escaping. When she's overwhelmed by life, memories, or emotions, she loses herself in her work. Not working means she must have lost her drive, which means something is definitely wrong.

But she can't think what. It's not to do with the date, she's checked. There are no unpleasant anniversaries coming up. And there haven't been any arguments lately. No conflicts among the queens. So she can't figure out what's gotten Cathy so out of order.

So here Catalina is, stood outside her God-daughter's room, with a coffee in one hand, and a pecan twist in the other (the kind from Tesco, which she knows are Cathy's favourite. She knocks, gently, and is surprised to get an immediate response.

"Yeah?" Cathy's voice is a little cracked, and she can't figure out if it's from crying or from a general lack of use, outside of her snapping at the other Queens.

"It's just me." Catalina responds, softly. "Could I come in?"

There's silence. For just a little too long. Cathy clearly doesn't want anyone to see her, but doesn't want to turn her away all the same.

"Yeah." It's barely audible. Catalina pushes the door open slowly. 

Cathy is sat on her bed, leaning against the wall. She's staring off into space, but there's clear conflict in her expression.

Catalina's not sure what to say. She and Cathy have grown close, over the time they've spent living together, but now, standing in her doorway with the other woman looking utterly forlorn, she doesn't feel like she knows her at all. She cares for her, deeply, but she doesn't know how to make this better.

"Are you-" she stutters, then cuts herself off. "Here." She offers the cup in her hand, and the plastic bag containing the pastry to the other woman. 

Cathy gets up, slowly, from her bed to accept the items, and mutters a quiet thanks, before sitting herself down again. She gives her God-mother a small smile, but it doesn't reach her eyes.

Catalina's resolve strengthens, and she settles gently onto the bed next to the other woman. Out of the little window in the opposite wall, she can see the rain pounding on the window. Typical October weather—she can't help but think about how much more pleasant the weather had been in Spain.

"Do you... want to talk?" She asks.

Her voice is a little shaky; she's nervous. She knows that she and Cathy are growing closer, but part of her feels like she's overstepping a boundary. Who is she to act like she knows her like this? She isn't her mother. They're only close now because circumstance and a shared husband has forced them together. It's a silver lining of the whole ordeal, as far as Catalina is concerned—but does Cathy feel the same way? Or would she rather keep her distance?

She's more than surprised when the younger woman lets out a heart-wrenching cry, and rests her head on her shoulder.

"_Please_." Cathy replies, her voice wavering. Catalina can feel her body shaking gently as she sobs.

Without thinking, she moves a hand to smooth gently through the other woman's hair.

"Hey, hey, it's alright," she soothes, shocked by the other woman's sudden vulnerability. Cathy isn't cold, but she does have a tendency to put up a front at times.

"No it isn't!" Cathy suddenly erupts. "It's not alright!"

Catalina is taken aback. 

"Cathy," She looks at her God-daughter seriously, imploring her. "What's wrong?"

"I-" Cathy lets out a breath. She clearly has a lot to say, but doesn't know where to start. "I was reading, the other night. About- about all of us. And I just thought... there's so _much_ that I did back then that was wrong." She hesitates, then continues. 

"Things we _all_ did, back then. And, looking back I can't help but wonder if we deserve this. We weren't exactly perfect people, especially by today's standards. I don't feel like I deserve to be here."

She's talking fast; a stream of thought tumbling straight from her mouth before she can stop it. Her breathing is fast and panicky, like she can barely keep up with her own words.

"Come here." Catalina says, sympathy in her voice. Cathy obliges, more than happy to accept her God-mother's embrace. "It's okay, I understand."

"But, look, I know Anne and I have talked about this already, but- I keep thinking about Elizabeth. And, Thomas." Cathy's voice is bitter, at that. "I did everything wrong."

"I know, love." Catalina pulls her in a bit tighter. "But none of us were perfect, back then. None of us are blameless-maybe Kitty, or Anna." She corrects. 

"So yeah. Maybe we _weren't_ good people. But I see no reason we can be, now. I'm certainly not proud of everything_ I_ did, but- all those things that mattered back then—the politics, the religion, international conflict. It doesn't _matter_ any more. I don't think it was what really mattered back then, either. All these things we fought over; that people died for. We can be more than that now. Things are different now, we know better."

Cathy lets out a soft sigh, and curls in closer.

"I think- so long as we use this time to be better than we were before, I don't see why we shouldn't be here. Think about, we all had so many reasons to hate each other in the beginning. But it's only been a matter of months now and look at us. The only thing Anne and I argue about any more is her leaving her dirty dishes in the sink." Cathy grins, in spite of herself. "That's what second chances are for, right?"

Cathy looks up at her, the tear tracks on her face starting to dry. She wipes at her eyes, and looks at her God-mother. She holds her little finger out to her God-mother, who links it with her own. 

"To being better people?" she says, almost at a whisper.

Catalina lets out a chuckle. "To being better people."

Cathy relaxes, leaning back into her slightly. 

"I feel a lot better." She says, voice still slightly thick from her previous tears. "Thanks, mum."

It's silly, really. Just one little word, but it brings Catalina's whole world crashing in on her. It's been so long since she's been called that, and a part of her has been desperate to hear it ever since she came back. It's bringing hoards of memories barrelling their way to the forefront of her mind—ones she's been blocking out for far too long. And they're painful, bittersweet. But Cathy being there, saying it too her for the first time; it's an overwhelming joy and a vulnerability Catalina hadn't been prepared for.

Catalina isn't usually one for vulnerability. She likes to keep her composure, keep her feelings to herself. She likes there to be a wall between her emotions and other people. She's learned to keep them at arms-length. Her past moments of vulnerability have usually led to her being ridiculed, mistreated or abandoned. She doesn't like people to see her when the walls come down.

But, nonetheless, now it's _her_ turn to cry.


End file.
